Recito en mi mente borradores de las cartas que te escribiré en algunos meses y siempre, justo antes de poner el punto, recuerdo que en unos meses nada de esto tendrá importancia.

No entiendo qué es esto. No entiendo este derrumbe cada noche, estas ganas de algo tan efímero como unas palabras. Y me inunda el ardor que llevo en la garganta.

He aprendido, por suerte, a sostenerme los codos con las manos y a sentarme de piernas cruzadas. Me parece mejor que ser un huevo, un óvalo, tirado en la cama. Así de vez en cuando no me caigo en pedazos. No le veo ya sentido a la piel hinchada y el verde sólo hace que recuerde nuestra mirada, me veo bien dentro en el espejo y no encuentro nada. Me asusta pensar que tengas que ver con esta muralla.

Por observación que he aprendido que los ojos, al llenarse de agua, se desbordan por el medio y después por los extremos. Y que me aterra volver; esa ciudad que me inventé ya no puede ser igual si tú estás dentro de ella. Y me digo que todo pasará, porque siempre pasa; porque los sentimientos se diluyen, las emociones dejan de importar. Porque todo se acaba.

Pero tú no acabas de irte; estás ya corriendo, haciendo que hechas vuelo y yo te tomo de las alas y no te dejo.

No es que no te sepa dejar ir, es que no quiero.
Todavía no puedo.

Igual que no puedo soportar que te recicles.

Sigue siendo muy apropiado.

Everyone is making a list

So I decided to make one too.

Here goes to the men in my life (so far)


1. You are the one who made me see that I could love someone with out ever being with them. We don’t understand each other half the time, we fight all the time and we want different things out of life, but we are always there for the other. You are my best friend and as time has passed us by, I know now that I wouldn't have it any other way.

2. You are the one who taught me that songs were real. We met and I felt gravity hit me, I could touch the ground with you. All the silly love songs and poems and stories were made by people who felt the way I felt being with you. No one had made me shake as much as you. You also taught me that people disappears, lie and fake emotions to get what they want. I thank you for leaving so soon.

3. You taught me that one shoot of whatever-in-a-bottle too many can be too much. That not everything is meant to be something other than what it is. That I too can be that person that leaves her life at the door and walks out of a room with out caring. That running into you wasn’t life changing or a plan of destiny. It was just a drunk night and like you, there will more.

4.You taught me that some people are worth meeting. I was missing the story of a man that could care for a little while with out hurting. That sometimes you get to share a moment in time with a special person and even thou it can’t last, it means more than other relationships that have time on its side. You taught me that not every guy hurts, that people can be patient even to strangers and that sometimes, you have to let go of something so you can have your arms open to embrace what is coming.

5. You taught me that sometimes people seem perfect for you, but they aren’t. That someone can be a great friend but may never cross that line. That yes, I too can be arrogant and mean and step away from someone with good feelings. That having someone adoring you from a far is by no means comfortable. You and your many faces and names taught me I don’t really want to be with someone I can’t write about.

6. You were the one that taught me what I wanted out of a man. You gave me the first insight of a relationship. With you I understood that I’m not the only one carrying baggage. That it is the nicest thing to be with someone that also wants to be with you. About making and not just reacting. That things can start where you least expect it and end at the same place. That sometimes the universe sends people who will help you and then go, and that letting go is a must to learn and a bitch to do.

7. And then, there is you: the one with no name, no face, no voice. Just nationality, lips and hands. You had had too much to drink, you who were looking for an easy fuck, you who felt alone and willing to mingle. You, Jane Austen’s of the bars. You taught me it was easy and fair. We all won.

Si alguien sigue visitando este blog y no lo sabe, nos hemos cambiado a

This is how we lie. 


=)

How come I always harm the good guy?

Have coffee with me?

pic via Kiss my spatula

Lo acepto aquí, en quedito, escribiendo tu nombre en un pedacito de papel, mientras lo hago cuadritos y lo pongo debajo del colchón que ya no moveré; moría de ganas.
Así que lo dejo aquí, donde no puedes verlo, donde nunca te enterarás, donde mis tonterías se acompañan a ellas mismas y juntas, hacen un manual de cómo reír cuando se llora y el tutorial para escribir palabras mal; quería que aparecieras.
Lo digo sólo para sacármelo de adentro, para que mañana en el metro no lo grite, para no rayar las paredes de lo baños públicos ni contárselo al cervezabir de la esquina; podría haberte querido.
Si no te hubieras ido.