How about self destruction?

In the days of my mental crisis combined with a personal out brake and a future related "crossroad", I stood in the middle of a friends gattering and went to the bathroom, and there in front to the mirror, object I am fond of talking to... , I spoke " Even if now I can't get out, one day I'll get out of this town, and if that doesn't work, I can always Kill myself".I must add a little foot note; even if I love preaching suicide, thinking about it in a "deep and un-personal way", I 've never believed in it. Even in my worst days never have I tried it or even crossed it as an option. There is one easy way for me not to; If it hurts now, imagine how can it hurt forever. Not even as a religion issue but as a we are espirits and that would definitly leave a scar.Any way, it scared me, I repeted what I had just said and it freaked me, I could kill myself, but I just dont want to, cutting you'r veins open isn't funny, been there done that. What am I gonna do then? I have something burnig me up inside and I guess I need to clear it out.
I am too much of a coward and this is something I really dont want to be challenged on, I just really need to find a way of getting out.It wasnt the only thought of the day, after crying for almost a week in a row I decided to be the perfect daughter, to use TV as a guide to life and be all desesperated housewives on mine.
So, to be the perfect person, eat vegetables and all, and then strike back as hard as I can, but honestly, that just wont work, I need to do something now, I just can't think of anything that can work as a I told you so and not to be too hard. I mean, I m not getting pregnant just so my mom shuts up about how much sex Im getting. Which by the way Im not¡¡¡Our parents, I mean people like them, they should get daugthers and sons with smoking and drinking habits, with cocaine addictions and orgies by the weekend. Instead they got us, virgins with out stomachs hard enough to hold alchol and sensitive lungs. How many times did I walked resigned to a friend and her cigars and tried? But I know that if I did my 5 colds a year would be 10 and honestly I dont care much for the bother.Guess we'll just have to do with what we have. Try not to fall to many times, or simply learn to stay in the ground.