I remembered why I don’t like children; they scare me. And I know why I don’t like old people; they make me depressed and paranoiac. This is a piece of a long time coming post. I guess there are things I leave behind and out.
I went to church today and there I saw a little girl jumping around graves. Not graves but little wooden spaces still empty, filled with numbers. Numbers¡¡ Not even in death will I be saved of numbers and categories and letters making me something and classifying me into a special place. It won’t say that someone tells me I’m special or that I had changing colour eyes. That is not a pretty thought. And I saw it clear, you know it all along but some times you just see things and they click; everything is a business. People selling candles out side of church, of course you cant sell anything blessed so you have to buy new ones and then go and get them blessed, and.. I don’t know, so many things I forgot all the examples I had but, it simply sucks….
I can explain now. I don’t like children because they remind me of a time in which you were supposed to be happy and free and simply being was allowed. No need to be something specific, just a kid. I guess you could say it was simple because you could blame it all on you being a kid, on not being really sure of the things you said or did. I feel sorry for them. Situations don’t work well when one of the participants feel sorry for the other. They cry and make big messes, just like me, maybe I’m just a kid feeling sorry for myself, kind a like Feeling sorry for Celia , I never read it. The thing is they are so “full of life and hope” they make me sick, they make me remember how one day they’ll wake up and feel heart broken and dead inside.
Old people are the opposite; they wait for the end. I’ve never had to be with someone old for too long, my grandmother lives hours and timelines away, just like I have no young relatives I don’t have old ones, just middle age people sharing a name. They’ve grown at the same time I have so there really is no change in them. I feel paranoiac around them because one day, I want to be old and stubborn. I want to wake up and see my grandchildren at my doorsteps, and have them ask me about cookies and my childhood. And I want to be a sweet grandmother, not a freaky one. I’ll tell my grandchildren about my depressions and they will understand it, they’ll be smart. Like the lady in the office told me today, “My son speaks like five languages, he is kind a smart”
*I have a new favorite movie- Código 46- super futurística jaja, hablan como 4 idiomas como idioma global. Chida..
****If you knew what would happen in the end, Would you be able to take the first step?- Code46***
Friday, April 14, 2006
Being Paranoiac...
Posted by *~PinkTangerine~* at Friday, April 14, 2006
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1 Gente dice...:
I’ve just gotten updated on your writings; I never want to stop reading you!!! There's so much intensity, so much passion in what you write even when it is just babbling as you say. I'm glad that you are able to portray everything, every little thought, every insignificant observation and give them meaning... so much meaning that insignificance becomes transcendental.
U know, I once told you that I love movies with great amount of detail, where characters cross into each other’s stories even if they only walk around in the background. I love stories where little things matter, where a little thing like making a left instead of a right would have changed the whole outcome. And I love this ‘cause I believe life is like that... the little things that we never take on account are the ones that change our lives. U notice those little things, the things that everyone sees but no one has stopped to observe.
Your philosophy, your sarcasm and the way you view the irony that’s life it’s just so powerful. When I read your stuff I find myself in the way you view the world, in the manner you layback and just observe and analyze. The difference is that you are able to use ink and words to immortalize those thoughts. I, on the other hand, have a complete mess in my mind that I can never organize them. And as you said, you never want to forget, but many memories or ideas only linger for a certain amount of time before they are lost forever. I wish I could keep them like you in words and songs.
For some time know I look at you in silence, as u usually are, and I can’t help but think on all the wonderful and profound thoughts going through your mind… on all the observations you’ve made just beside me, and I can wait to find out what you thought.
I love that you keep making yourself heard, transcend and share your views with others. You’ve truly become immortal through your words, keep making me eternal in those moments that I read your thoughts.
Diego
PS: I haven’t done any homework at all, Mid-Sunday as it is and I’m about to start. Don’t tell humantree jejeje.
PS: Please write a screenplay full of your philosophy and observations, of profound stories u can only create and let me direct it!
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