It was only a kiss..

Sometimes you know something for so long that it gets kinda hard to admit it, or to say it or to talk about it, maybe thats the reason why when you do it feels so good. So.. how do I say this? Well, first of all, I wanted to post a pretty pic but didnt know wich one and I wanted to use this one for so long that, I just did...



Second is that I know sometimes I get way out of line, like the day we went to the movie thing. I should have been a little bit more exited about the nigth; we where all there and it was fun, and I just couldnt stop bugging. Im not expecting sweet words, because I got them already. And if someone wants to say that I talk too much or whatever just do so, I'll be glad.

Third; I just found a pic¡¡ I'll b honest I started typing this a while ago.. but I was surfing and I saw this:


It is a huge ego issue, and the truth is that it has gonne further. I am afraid that if the one person that is,well the way this person is, doesnt want me then, Who in their right and sane mind would?? I know its absolutly paranoiac but thats been in the back of my head since february, and I just cant shake it off.
The truth is Im a mess¡¡¡ and I use people... too. About that the thing was that He was to me what soccer guy was(is?) to my starry sis.. and Ive known it since it begun a year and a half ago. Maybe I dont miss our long conversations or the way he made me feel about everything (when I was sad or stressed o just plain normal he would make it right) One day like six months ago I was at school and I just coulndt stop crying and he was there until I left and.. maybe all I wanted was the constant hug. And that is soooo patetic. not because of the thought alone but because it was me who complained day after day about him wanting this.
Another something is that Im getting stressed; who cares about the rest of my life, I want today. I one hand, its cool because I woudnt know what to do with guy, but on the other its like please¡¡ give me a break and tell me Im not gonna be the lady with the creepy cat we saw today¡¡¡ Cause know it or not, being eaten by some of my 25 cats is one of my biggest fears. I just dont understand because, not to be a snob I myself have never belived it, but Im supposed to be kind a pretty. And even if not smart to the extreme I have a brain and I can use it! And maybe I have personality issues but that is one of those things you learn about someone after a while, right? Do I have a sign in my forehead that says "WEIRD"??
Im not the only one who goes trough this, but its my turn to complian.. I mean, I could go back to highschool and stop eating to see if by dropping fat I get someone, and even then, Ive seen people fatter way fatter than me with someone.
And maybe its me who is the picky one but, Im not doing a guy that is really more fucked up that I am.
Ok.. so this is what was on my mind for the past.. whos counting the time. Xoxo, love..

And yes, it is about the "I want it to last forever guy".