Pink Balloons

It doesn't make sense. Everything is just fine and then one day, I blush all of the sudden. I talk too fast and make little sense. I loose my point and I hate it. Mostly because it makes me feel. Because it makes me fear. Because I like it. Because it's a rush and my head spins and I feel dizzy...
So I make an effort, a small one, just to try and to be able to say I tried. To know that if somehting does happens after ward, it 'll be because of something I did. Because I can't understand waisted time and my heart clenches with the thought of it. Because my subconscious hasn't stopped reminding me about it even if my conscious doesn't stop ging at how silly and dumb it is.
All of this makes me restless and quiet, nervous and definitely shaky. It makes me weary.
Whats the word you use when you feel like you can burst into tears if you only breathe deep?
It`s not really something, is it? I refused to believe that this was something and then one day I woke up. And then one day I realize all of this is just like running after pink balloons flying on the highway; a never ending road where I keep chasing after something that is not meant to be mine.

I had a beatiful week, I mean, so pretty I can't stop smilling. I told someone that most likely, I'd be paying a big karma check for all the bliss and he said, maybe this is karma paying back. Silly me, I convinced myself into beliving him. I ll give this 2 days.